forgiving sin is not the same as dealing with it

Honestly, someone asked me to email this to them.  So I'm putting it out there for all.

Matthew 18: 15-20

‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector. Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.’

In this Gospel reading, Jesus points out an important principal of Christian life:  Forgiving sin is not the same thing as dealing with it.  This reading comes in the middle of one of Jesus’ sermons on forgiveness.  Jesus has five major sermons that he preaches in the gospel of Matthew, each one with its own topic.  Most of us just remember the name of his first sermon – the sermon on the mount, which contains his famous sayings:  blessed are the poor, blessed are the meek, etc.  This sermon has a number of parts to it as well.  This sermon starts out talking about temptation.  Then this particular passage comes just after the parable of the lost sheep – the good shepherd seeks out the lost sheep.  And Jesus concludes his sermon by giving us more teaching on the necessity of forgiving our neighbours.  Remember the Lord’s prayer – “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

You see, in a way, sin is a sermon:  it has 3 parts:  1] the temptation to sin - which is not sin itself, but is part of the path to it;  2]  the sin itself – what we decide to do when we have the choice,  3]  and then the consequences – how our actions affect ourselves and other people. 

Forgiveness deals with the first two parts, but forgiveness alone does not change the consequences of sin.

Jesus gives us an example.  Suppose someone offends you, someone sins against you.  They hurt you in some way.  You can forgive them, but that does not change the person who sinned in the first place.  Jesus gives some advice:  point out the sin to the other person when you are alone.  Why should we do this?  Well, in the first place, Jesus knows that we like to keep grudges.  If someone did something wrong to me, I can sit back and nurse the wound for a while.  So Jesus tells us that it is good for us to talk to the person.  If I just sit in my room and forgive the person, that’s all fine and dandy, but it doesn’t do what Jesus wants, what he came here to do – to reconcile.

He also knows that we sometimes need someone else to point out our faults, because we are too often blind to them.  (After all, isn’t that why so many people get married, because we need someone who knows us well to point out our faults to us?)   What happens when I talk to someone else about how they “offended” me?  Well, first of all, it points out to the other person how their actions have consequences.  Sometimes we do things without thinking, we say things without thinking, we act without thinking about how this will affect the other person.  Sometimes we don’t know what we have done, or how hurtful we have been, until somebody comes along and says “You know what, what you said the other day was really out of line.”  It’s called giving a little bit of reality therapy.   And nine times out of ten, the response is something like    “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that it had that effect.”  Jesus says, if the person listens to you, you have regained a brother.  You have restored a broken relationship.  You have helped someone learn to be a little more thoughtful, a little more considerate, a little more loving.  You have practiced real forgiveness.

What is real forgiveness?  Real forgiveness is not pretending that there is no sin, it is not pretending that everyone is okay and that no one got hurt.  Jesus knows, God knows, and we know, that every action has consequences.  Reconciliation is not about covering up sin, it is about dealing with it so that the person affected is healed as much as possible – and that the person who did it can try to make amends, and then deal with it so that (to the best of our ability) it does not happen again.

He is in the business of reconciliation.  That means he is the business of getting people on good terms with each other.  Reconciliation is the goal, the end product, of forgiveness. When you talk something out, when you come to an agreement, one person says I’m sorry and the other person says I forgive you, then we have the finished product of reconciliation.  Restore what was broken in the relationship.  And God will help:  If 2 of you agree on this on earth, God in heaven will forgive and help with the reconciliation.  Jesus is present where 2 or 3 are gathered in his name.

That probably covers 90% of the cases in the Christian life – Jesus is speaking within the church, to disciples.  But what about the other 10%.  Of that last 10 % there will be some people who say:  1] I don’t think what I did was wrong, and I’m going to keep on doing it;” 

What do you do in that case?  It is often simple – in relationships there is often the feeling that “well that’s just your way of looking at it, my way is just as right”.  So Jesus says, “take two or three others along with you, and see the person.”  Sometimes when there is difficulty between two people, it helps to have someone else there, maybe someone more objective, who can help in the process.  This is the beginning of Christian counseling.  Have someone else come along  and try to help you sort things out. 

Of that last 10% there will be 1% who say  “I know what I did was wrong, but you know what, I don’t care that it’s wrong and I’m just going to keep on doing it.”  Jesus is now talking about people and behaviors which just can’t be tolerated in the church, let alone in the world.  He says, if they won’t listen to the whole church, if they persist in their sin, then let them be as a Gentile and a tax collector.  Now Jesus wasn’t afraid of talking to Gentiles and tax collectors, in fact, the Matthew who is writing this Gospel used to be a tax collector.  But you don’t convert them the same way.  Or in the same setting.  You can’t pretend that seriously flawed attitudes and behaviors don’t need to be stopped. 

Remember Jesus is talking about the church.  Just look around our church.  Someone at some time covered up abuse in the residential schools.  Forgiveness of the abuser does not mean you let them carry on as if nothing happened. It means you let the person know how serious their actions are – how sin devastates lives.  And God wants to do something about it to prevent it from happening again.

"mercy and truth are met together"

I am sometimes reminded of that timid phrase we use when we are trying to "make things better".  We will sometimes say to one another  "I'm sorry, what I did was wrong".  And the response we sometimes hear is "that's okay".  And we leave it at that.  But "that's okay" is not the same as "I forgive you" - they are two different phrases, and they mean different things.  Part of reconciliation is knowing that "it's not okay", that things are different now, that a wound has been opened which needs healing, often more so in the one who sinned than in the one who was sinned against.  It is really the sinner who can say "this will hurt me more than it will hurt you".  Sin makes us less of what we are called to be.  Always.  Everywhere.

Jesus calls us to forgive continually - "70 times 7".  But it would be a mistake to think that forgiveness is the end of the process - it is only the beginning.  Reconciliation with God and each other;  healing which recognizes the  truth of the consequences of sin - these are the works of grace.

Comments

[shirley perry]

If someone says I do not know whether I can ever forgive you, should you ask latter if they have or just leave it?
I am amazed at the thoughts in this blog. I always ask at Thanksgiving what I am most grateful for. This year it was the gift of forgiveness - to forgive others, to have others forgive me and to forgive myself.
Thanks for your thoughts
love Shirley

[joseph]

hi shirley:

I think that Jesus always wants us to be reconciled - and in my mind that would mean going back later to see if the relationship could be restored. Which is what I think God does with us if we turn away from him.

If someone refuses to forgive, well, I think in the end that is their call - I can't force someone to forgive, but I can make every effort on my part to heal the relationship. And commit it all to prayer.