Of all the themes which are discussed around the topic of marriage, the most neglected, but perhaps the most important, is the role of marriage in the mutual formation and encouragement of Christian discipleship.
I think we have lost that important aspect of the Christian concept of marriage. Our language has changed so that what is romantic is utterly divorced from what is practical. Yet marriage is an utterly practical state of life. Over the past number of years I have seen many couples in love. I have seen many young folks plot a future together. And I have even been privileged to be present at the exchange of a few sets of vows.
Marriage is being called upon to bear many burdens. Yet too often we fail to ask how this state of life, with this particular person, is entered upon with a view to each becoming the human beings God calls us to be. That is what I mean by encouragement of discipleship.
It is not a question which is always asked in the throes of "being in love". But it is something which differentiates the civil marriage from what used to be called holy matrimony.
At its heart is a profound awareness that the other is first and foremost God's beloved, before she or he is my beloved. If we can play with the parable of the talents and the absent landowner, the spouse is the treasure given into my stewardship for but a time. What will I do with this treasure who, in truth, belongs first to Another? How do I "increase"? Or do I bury it, and leave it as I found it?
reminder to self: tomorrow marks 10 years for Mrs. Felix & myself.
Happy anniversary to you and Mrs. Felix.
Posted by: Poul | August 09, 2006 at 11:18 PM
Yup, a very happy anniversary, youngsters!
Posted by: Tim | August 10, 2006 at 01:32 AM
Congratulations and happy anniversary! May our Lord give you many more happy years together.
Thanks for your wise and inspiring thoughts about marriage.
Posted by: Scott Gilbreath | August 10, 2006 at 09:02 AM
What a lucky wife to have a husband think that way about her!!! Happy loving and have fun!!!
love shirley
Posted by: shirley perry | August 10, 2006 at 02:11 PM
Happy anniversary Joe. Thanks for your thoughts- this clarifies much of what I have been struggling through in the last year. Time for me to make God my beloved, then I can come back and be a good husband. Thanks for being a light in the dark confusion this place finds itself in - I hope someday I can be in your shoes.
Posted by: Uncle MacK | August 10, 2006 at 06:34 PM
Yes, Joe, you seem to have a 'talent' for inspiring thought.
Happy anniversary!
Posted by: Chuck | August 11, 2006 at 09:09 AM
You present a very good thought, and is the difference between what any relationship could or could not be. A friend, member of ones community will add to who you become, they are there (we are their for each other) to encourage and even help guide. Where as an aquaintance isn't afforded that privilage, there is a seperation of influence. In a marriage where there is no influence on each other, it seems to be just a association of conveniance.
Ahh, a marriage of 'positive' influence with each other, guided by God, focused on the fact you have laid out, that first we are God's beloved. That's good living!
Removing the selfishness from a marriage is the toughest part, the give and take of needs and wants, waiting on God to move in His time. Waiting thru the tough times for the hope of a rainbow. sometimes, it is realizing how much we take for granted how good we have it. looking around and knowing how much we have been given, entrusted to, and knowing we could have done more with it. To see one's spouse as a gift, beloved of God. good. how do we do it every day?
13 great years married. (thanks be to God)
Posted by: steve the z | August 15, 2006 at 01:16 PM
How do we do it everyday? I think most often we don't. We live by forgiveness. When we do it, I think it's a prompting of grace; God reminding us (gently or loudly) who this person is...
Posted by: joseph | August 15, 2006 at 09:10 PM
Wise words, Joseph (or so they seem to me in my single state). A belated happy anniversary to you and Mrs Felix.
Posted by: The Sheepcat | August 19, 2006 at 01:57 PM
I don't buy your arguement on the full meaning of marriage only being fulfilled in a Christian context. I respect your views but I find that a lot of modern Christiams lack historical perspective.
Love, marriage, weddings and the concept of a full and meaningful life has existed before Christ, Christianity, and even organised religion. During the Christian era, beautiful relationships existed outside of the Christain world and context. They do today also and there are many historical examples of Christianity perverting and subverting the natural relationship between the sexes.
Faith in god or a plurality of gods is JUST NOT requred to be moral, be married, be happy or righteous. Faith is just a choice some make to flesh out and provide meaning to their world.
I am an athiest. In the interest of full disclosure I tell you. comment back to my blog if you want to have a conversation on this topic. I like talking on this subject to thoughtfull Christians that are willing to dialogue.
Posted by: William | September 27, 2006 at 08:51 PM
William, thanks for your input.
What I am trying to distinguish in this is the difference (from my Christian perspective) between what is called marriage generally and what Christians used to call holy matrimony. For a marriage to be a civil marriage, it doesn't really need anything more than the appropriate legal procedures and consummation. That is of course not what most people (of any or no religion) aim for, but it is the basic lowest common denominator. My sense is that more than a few modern Christians have lost a higher sense of what the marriage relationship is intended to be. The institution of marriage is often used, as you are probably aware, in the Christian scriptures as a "spiritual image" (probably in part because it is such a universal experience).
I don't deny that the institution of marriage is prior and parallel to Christianity as a practiced religion. On an aside, my main background is in classical languages and history, and I find the Roman poet Virgil to be a great defender of the institution of marriage from a pagan and very well reasoned position.
One major thought behind this short post is precisely my sense that modern Christians have lost the sense of what, in their particular tradition, marriage is intended to be. Naturally, part of that will be admitting my own presupposition that the fullness of human potential will be found in a Christian expression. And as an extension, Christianity sees relationships in the context of mutual movement toward God. For me to remind my own faith community of what holy matrimony is intended to be, does not negate the fact that marriage is a general, cross-cultural, cross-temporal institution.
I'll drop by your place in a bit.
Posted by: joseph | September 27, 2006 at 09:40 PM